Nobody Ever Told Me Parenting Requires Emotional Regulation

Nobody ever told me that parenting requires emotional regulation… and a LOT of it.

Honestly, it’s not just parenting that requires emotional regulation. Simply navigating life does too. As humans, we encounter different experiences, emotions, situations, and interactions every single day.

Learning how to respond to those experiences instead of simply reacting to them is a skill—and it’s one I’ve had to intentionally learn.

But wait… what is emotional regulation anyway? 

Emotion regulation is the ability to monitor, manage, and respond to emotional experiences and their intensity in a healthy way.

I get it. I had never even heard the term “emotional regulation” until I took one of my psychology classes. And when I learned about it, something clicked for me.

One of the cycles I’m intentionally breaking is learning how to regulate my emotions. 

I didn’t grow up around adults who knew how to regulate their emotions in healthy ways. I grew up seeing people cope by turning to things outside of themselves to feel better.

Sometimes, when we don’t know how to process what we feel, we look for something to make the feeling go away. But this is only a temporary solution— if you even want to call it that. This can lead to unhealthy coping patterns, including substance use, avoidance, anger, isolation, or other behaviors that may temporarily provide relief but create more problems in the long run.

Learning about emotional regulation and learning the tools that come with it—has been such a blessing for me. 

Because did you know…

You can actually pause and take a few deep breaths instead of yelling?

You can go for a walk or exercise instead of turning to a substance?

You can name your emotions instead of letting them control you?

You can validate what you’re feeling without allowing the feeling to dictate your actions?

You can listen to uplifting music instead of getting stuck in your own thoughts?

You can step outside and reconnect with nature when you feel overwhelmed?

These things sound simple. But when you weren’t taught them, they can be life-changing.

I’ve had to learn some of these lessons the hard way. And I don’t want you to have to.

Do the work. Do the research. Feel the feels.

Learn yourself. Love yourself.

Get back up. Keep going. Be kind to yourself—and to others.

Just because something has been done one way for a long time doesn’t mean it always has to be that way.

Because breaking cycles isn’t just about recognizing what we don’t want to repeat. It’s about learning something different—and practicing it in real time.

Especially when you’re triggered. Especially when you’re angry. Especially when you’re overwhelmed.

Especially when your child is pushing every button you didn’t even know you had.

That’s where the real work happens. Not in the moments when everything is peaceful and easy. But in the moments when you have the opportunity to respond differently than what you were taught.

I’m still learning. I’m still practicing. And sometimes, I still get it wrong.

But I’m learning that regulation isn’t about never feeling angry, frustrated, sad, anxious, or overwhelmed. It’s about learning how to feel those emotions without allowing them to control you.

Here are some of my favorite emotional regulation skills:

• Name my emotion

• Validate my emotion

• Identify my triggers

• Pause and take a break

• Pray

• Meditate

• Talk through my emotions

• Journal

• Get enough sleep

• Practice deep breathing

• Go outside and connect with nature

• Ground myself

• Exercise or move my body

• Give myself time before responding

I’m not trying to become someone who never gets emotional. I love emotions— all of them! Because in the end, they’re simply messengers. 

I’m trying to become someone who does not get controlled by emotions and knows what to do with them.

I’m doing it not only for myself, but for the people I love and for the generations that come after me.

Sometimes breaking a cycle looks like something as simple as taking a breath and choosing to respond differently, one tantrum at a time.